Afterwards we cried, but we did it.”I nodded and closed Lana’s diary. I’d never forget the words on those pages. I gathered up everything and asked the three of them to come with me. We went out to the barbecue and took the grills off before I started it and fed each page into it while they watched. We burned it all. The books, the lists, their plans for forgiveness. When the last of the pages burned out and there was nothing but ash fluttering around the burners in the November breeze, I shut off the gas and replaced the grills.“Why did you do that?” Lana asked. She’d watched me burn every page without complaint, but now she struggled to understand.“Because you don’t need those lists any more,” I told them. Emma nodded in approval from behind them where they couldn’t see. “Between all of us, we now know the truth. We were ALL victims of this. I hadn’t realized how badly you’d been victimized and I’m deeply sorry for that. I consider those lists fulfilled. You two still have to go. Tina didn't take the news well and her attitude changed towards me which left me confused. Still, Tina haunted my mind... I found myself masturbating while thinking about her. I couldn't stop myself. It led to the dissolution of my first relationship with a girl. I decided I had to tell Tina how I felt!I had been back for two days when I heard about Tina's engagement. I was initially shocked but decided I had to tell her. Instead of calling, I drove out to the house she was living at with her fiance. I knew the guy she was engaged to and also knew he wasn't going to be home since he worked the second shift at a manufacturing plant. I pulled up and there Tina was. She was mowing the grass on a riding mower. Tina had on shorts and bikini top. She had gained weight but still looked sexy to me. She saw my car and waved me over to the barn. I got out and before I said a word Tina asked "Where's your girlfriend?" In a mocking tone. She had derailed the speech I had been planning in my head.
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