They were firing at the Humvee, then I finally figured out what they were trying to do and yelled, "L.Cpl. whatever you do don't let them take out the engine."More rounds hit the Humvee and one even glanced off my helmet...Flashback – Mira and Ira – Undisclosed locationI grinned inside my cranial carapace because one of my shots impacted the Malodorous Major M's Kevlar cranial carapace. Oh, I knew it would not terminate him but it would make his auditory units chime like the church bells at his upcoming funeral.He readied to fire at me again but this time I accelerated and his shots went behind me.I readied to fire at the engine when... "FECAL MATTER!"Flashback – Major M – Undisclosed locationThe L.Cpl. slammed on the brakes and I yelled, "What the hell is wrong!"He yelled back, "We were headed toward a ravine."The good news was the Sedankina bitches overshot us. The L.Cpl. spun the wheel hard, floored it and bought us some breathing room...Flashback – Ira and Mira – Undisclosed. ..If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?Take my advice — I'm not using it.My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.I hate it when people use big words just to.
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