Anticipating, conditioning, and controllingresponses from me was a critical part of our daily life. Avery large part of Pearce’s interest in having a relationshipwith me was his ability to have control. In order to sustainan intimate relationship he had to have authority not onlyin general, but also over me. He needed to dominate.In the same way, a very large part of my interest inhaving a relationship with Pearce was his ability to besuccessfully dominant. In order to sustain an intimaterelationship I had to have someone else in control. WhenPearce fastened the collar around my neck he tookownership not only of the relationship, but of me. I neededto be submissive.Like yin and yang, Pearce and I were polar oppositescreating the whole.His touch interrupted my thoughts. Carrying the bags inone hand, he used his other hand on the small of my backto guide me to the car. To my surprise, he elected to drive.Having emigrated at twenty-eight, Pearce first drove inIreland. Eight years later. I'm just not interested in the melodrama," I said. "But . . ." "Martina, I know you're replacing me. Wanting to do it gently I'm sure. Anyway, just consider it done, and we'll just both get on with our lives. See yuh later." I just turned and walked off leaving her with her mouth hanging open. Was I being childish? Maybe some would say so, but I’d disagree. I supposed Martina wanted to separate herself from me gently in order for her to feel better about herself. But, the fact is I didn't need the melodrama or the sad looks. I didn't want to hear the inevitable, "We can still be friends," speech. I'd had enough of such nonsense or its equivalent; and more of it I did not need. She and I'd had something going for a while, but it was ending; I knew it, so I just wanted to let it go. For once I was going to do it my way, sort of. I would be seeing Martina, off and on over the next couple of years, but not really socially. **** Talk about being in a blue funk. I was the poster boy.
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