‘Maybe not. I was guessing. I do a lot of guessing. Might just be self-deluding bullshit on my part, too.’ She said carefully, ‘I think he thought he loved me.’ ‘Did you love him?’ ‘I don’t know.’ She squeezed Ben’s arm. ‘At least he won’t be able to do that to Crista, he’ll be too self-conscious.’ ‘You’re taking this awfully well.’ ‘Am I?’ she asked him. ‘I don’t know. I never got dumped before.’ ‘I’ve been dumped. Trust me, you’re taking this well.’ They walked in silence until they came to Sarah’s door. She turned to face him. ‘Do you want to come in?’ ‘Do you still want me to?’ ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ she said, and she kissed him. Her lips were cool, though her cheeks were still flushed by the beer. They kissed tentatively at first, as though the entire scene on the dance floor had been the show, and this was the first rehearsal. Suddenly Sarah didn’t want to wait any longer, she’d been so close before, and she was still hungry for the feel of him against her bare skin. She quickly. Eww. With the front porch screening and chairs infested with spiders and spider webs, totally freaking her out, the one and only time she sat on the front porch, there was a big, ugly spider crawling up her leg. Gross. Now always checking and looking, too often there’d be a big spider poised at the very top of her bedroom wall watching her and waiting to crawl down to launch itself at her. Now when she enters her room, armed with a can of spider spray and a fly swatter, she looks for spiders with a flashlight before retiring to bed. She knows they’re there. She can feel them. They seem to be everywhere especially in the dark. With bugs her boogiemen hiding beneath her bed, she wish she had a man to protect her from bugs. Living with her mother in a basement apartment across from the Susquehanna River before moving in having to live in a shelter and before living in Hannah’s spare bedroom, she was close enough to the river to throw a stone in the water. Oblivious to them, her mother.
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