I haven’t been well, locked away so as not to be contagious, but for the first time in a very long time, I am finally feeling better. You were gone from me before I ever fully confirmed that you existed. I don’t know if you left me because you thought it was a lock that I would have made you go away. It would not have been, in spite of everything I did with the Pills and the condoms and the pulling out. It would not have been, once I had a field of blue or a urine-stained plus sign. True, I was never in that frame of mind to meet the awesome responsibilities which you would have required, but then I was never charged with that requirement. I might have been able to do it, but it would have been just the two of us for sure. I have always imagined you as Dmitri or Natalia, partly based on the love your father and I share for anything Russian Romantic. Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture is something we both adored when we were together. I have no doubt that if he were. And I did well; well enough to progress on to my Master's degree in 2008-09.Hermione Granger didn't haunt me beyond high school, although I did have one scare when J.K. Rowling published the final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, where Hermione's middle name was revealed in the reading of Dumbledore's will. You guessed it: Jean! My heart froze when I first read that line lying in bed one night, the paperback still shiny and un-creased. I had visions of undergraduates parading around me in the student union cafeteria calling out "And To Miss Hermione JEAN Granger, I leave my copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard, in the hope that she will find it entertaining and instructive." Except every student would name a different book title, each more embarrassing and sexually suggestive than the last.The scars from high school had mostly healed, but they hadn't faded, and even at age twenty-one they still held a power over me. In a pointless act of defence I dyed my hair, which I.
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