O Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.o Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.o If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.o Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?o. I couldn't wait for school next day when I would be able to confide my discovery to Annabel, my best friend who thought she knew everything.When at break-time I told Annabel what I had found I could do and the pleasure that it had given me, she just laughed. I thought it was in disbelief but, no, she just said something like, "Wow, you've only just found that out. I've been doing that for ages …!" She then went on to claim that she had used more than just her fingers and indicated that she had used a variety of 'things' such as her toothbrush and the handle of her hairbrush. She even said that her mother's deodorant had a nice rounded smooth top that could also be pushed partway in. As I said, Annabel knew everything.That evening was the beginning of me becoming a serial student of masturbation. With Annabel's advice in mind I picked up my hairbrush, the one with the nice rounded end, and I lay on my bed and did just as she had described and wetted the shaft with my spit and placed.
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