We talked for afew minutes and I was off to bed. It's funny, I now had permission tostay up till eleven and here I found myself in bed and asleep before teno'clock. Ah well! Just knowing I "could" stay up if I wanted to wouldhave to be enough.Thursday at the shop Mr. Ferris informed me that I'd be doing somestaining work on the pieces I sanded next week. The fun part he told me(laughing) is that when they've dried properly you get to sand themagain. That didn't sound like fun to me. I thanked him as he handed me mypay envelope and pedaled home. Sarah was indeed standing out in herdriveway as I pedaled off in the other direction. Was she waiting for me?Now what? I wondered.I was beyond tempted to take a nap when I arrived home. All I had to dowas make dinner and go for my appointment. Still, the clothes weren'tgoing to wash themselves. I did my best to catch up on my weekly chores.Lately Mom had given me a bit more freedom with dinner preparations.Tonight, I was going to make burgers. I also have trouble because you have to scroll down past were you were.My secret things are this. I dread finding out that I am a lesbian. Frankly, it seems extremely likely as I am so boyish. It’s only at ballet and in bed listening to slow jazz I feel extremely feminine. Oh, by the way, listening to slow jazz before bed makes probably anyone dream of, well, sex. [I move on to describe other secret fears].I’m not gay, why do I dream of some man a head taller than me dancing to slow jazz then settling down to a cozy warm bed. LORD PLEASE FORGIVE ME!I might have been a strange kid… However, I had to acknowledge as I grew older that I did have romantic and sexual feelings for women. It just considered them strange. In fact, I wrote more about those feelings than the extremely prevalent straight fantasies I had, because they felt oddly alien in my brain. 6/29/----The reason I want to write is I had another weird ass dream. However, reading this there is a lot I should write in this.
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