We finally saw the grocery store. Dimly lit we weren’t sure they were open. We found out they were. Steven purchased more food. I laughed at his mind focused on food. I stood outside watching the magical fire flies zipping all around me. Then I heard a rustle and I jumped opening the door as Steven was leaning to come out. He almost lost his balance. I was shaking, which Steven saw immediately. ‘What’s the matter sweetheart?’ Steven asked alarmed. ‘Noise, I heard noise.’ I could only say. ‘Sweetheart we are in the woods. Noise is normal, Come on lets get to the cabin.’ Steven said smiling at me. Steven pulled me to him, I snuggled into him glad he was here. He placed his hand on my thigh. Drumming his fingers upon my bare thigh. I forgot the noise, I only knew Steven was playing with fire. I had been wanting him the last one hundred miles. He was playing the piano on my thigh. I was trembling. ‘Oh Katherine are you cold?’ He grinned cocky. ‘Steven isn’t that our cabin straight in. I over-compensated of course by choosing theroughest and most masculine occupations I could find but still theywould not go away. As a teenager I had worn my mother's underwear onevery occasion I could manage and while it felt 'right', it was notenough for me. I wanted to be more than a cross-dresser; I wanted to bea woman.Seeing John walk around naked in our remote camp site after a plunge inthe local waterhole after a day's work was particularly hard. I foundit difficult not to look at his hard male body and lust after him. Iknew I wasn't gay; I just wanted to be his woman. Of course I could notlet the slightest hint of this out for it would have made our currentpartnership impossible. Sleeping in the same tent only made mattersworse and I think he could see I was more withdrawn and didn't know whatwas causing it. Relief came in the form of a letter from my sistersaying that Mum was not well and could I return to Sydney? I told Johnabout it and said that since I couldn't.
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