My dad was saying something to me about pulling it together. Sam was repeating that he needed me to represent SCU and show great sportsmanship. And Lissa kept trying to touch me. I flinched away from her and mopped my eyes on Dad’s shirt before I turned to face the crowd. I stepped out and winced as I put pressure on my ankle. Everyone cheered as I raised my hand and waved at them.I’ve heard of bittersweet moments. I wanted to hear them cheer. It pounded in my heart. How can you be down when so many people are showing love? But they were cheering for my effort, not my victory. “The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat.” ABC’s Wide World of Sports. I could see that skier dude crashing off the jump every weekend.I limped over to where Rob and his coach were talking to his own excited fans and held out my hand. He took it and smiled.“You okay, man?” Rob asked. “After the first serve I thought I was a goner. I hope you know it was an accident.” I looked into his eyes and nodded my. You hope Miku now understands. Understands that the attraction described in Magnet is real, that you do love her with all of your heart. But as you both exit the stage and you see Kaito giving Miku a congratulatory kiss something inside of you breaks. Your heart stops, your vision blurs, there is an unbearable weight on your chest and you can barely breathe. You half stumble, half sprint to your dressing room, throw on clothes and make your way to the parking lot. Miku stops you on the way and asks if you want to go celebrate. You are glad your face doesn't show the breakdown currently happening and choke out “I'm not feeling well” before breaking free of her grasp and continuing home. Once there you throw yourself onto the couch. You bury your head into the pillow and scream. You scream out your breaking heart, your disappearing mind, and your dying soul. You scream until your voice is gone and because you know of nothing else to do. You curl into the fetal position and.
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