And then there was the sad rest. The unfortunate ones that tried to cling to their seats in order not to have to mingle with anyone. Being desperate not to be noticed because they imagined everybody saw immediately that they didn’t truly belong here, that everyone saw their true insecurity. Their fears were unjustified, nobody noticed them anyway. They were just the obstacles other, more confident people could float around. They just made the place appear less empty.Yeah, I was one of those. No, not the beautiful ones. Not even one of the invisible, mediocre group. I was one of those truly not belonging in here.I had captured a seat at the bar and was busy trying not to embarrass myself and to look like I was having a good time. The problem was that in truth I had nothing to do apart from being insecure. Absolutely nothing, which was terrifying. You don’t sit in such a location and just do nothing. It would have been embarrassing if anyone noticed me doing nothing, which luckily. . revolting.No one spoke. No one uttered any sound. The man took a long look at me and collapsed. A close inspection told us he fainted. After a while he came to his senses and looked at me again. He then threw himself at my feet, started sobbing loudly and then went on kissing my feet while crying out:"Pam, Oh Pam, you are alive! For 19 years I've lived only for this moment — to see that you are alive and well." Don't you dare touch me!" I screamed, feeling that I'm going to throw up. I quickly looked around, found a trash can and vomited into it. My stomach heaved again and again until I calmed down."Pam! Pam, I'm Pete! Your brother! I understand your feelings about me, but please, give me a chance to tell you what went on with Mom and with all of us." Mom, Dad and Tim are all dead. So are our Grandparents and two of our uncles. They all committed suicide not long after you ran away. I want to die too. I plan my own death every day, every hour." When Tim killed himself we actually.
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