But there was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't dismiss. The Andre Ihad once known was full of life. This man was a tired, middle-aged manwho looked despite his words as if he didn't much care if I pulled thetrigger or not. Perhaps I had been a little harsh in my judgment.Barbara and Andre had always been happy together, and I knew he hadloved her deeply.I couldn't wait forever, though. I had to either shoot him or not. If Ididn't shoot him, the last decade was without meaning. I would havewasted much of my life for nothing. All the poor career moves, all thebroken relationships with the women I had dated, all the intense hatredI had allowed to command my life, would be wasted.I takes so little strength to pull a trigger, but so much willpower thatit can feel as if the shooter is trying to move a boulder. I felt mytrigger finger twitching, and in a strangely drawn-out moment knew thatI was about to pull the trigger. In seconds Andre would be lying on theground in a pool of his own. I knew a lot of people now and I even pushed Adlai Stevenson's cause.A belated birthday present came in November. It seemed that Congressman McCarthy was caught flagrante delicto, so to speak, on many different photographs. Apparently, investigators had followed him and made a pictorial exposé of his various love affaires. One happened to be General Bower.He was not threatened with a court case this time but the facts were left for the people to decide. McCarthy was censured this time for a different reason and he used a pistol to end his life. I can't think of too many people who had actually liked the man and would mourn.The Democrats seemed to have been posed for this event and attacked the Republicans at every opportunity. It turned out that there were quite a few closet homosexuals in the party, or at least many were caught. The ones to fear the same thing in the Democratic Party kept a very low profile while the hunt was on.On the legal front, we were having a bit of trouble..
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