His breathing was slow andregular, and I could tell he was dead to the world. Slipping out of bed, I crept into the living room.? Although my eyeshad become adjusted to the pitch black apartment, I had to get down onmy hands and knees and feel around the floor until I found Brian's freeweights.? I picked up several, until I found one that weighed about 10pounds.? I carried it back into the bedroom and made my way around thebed until I was standing directly over his sleeping body.?I lifted the dumbbell as high as I could and brought it down squarelyon the back of Brian's head.? I held my breath as he groaned and twitchedonce, then he lay perfectly still.? I lowered my head and listened forbreathing.? This was not supposed to be a murder.? To my relief, I heardlabored breathing, and when I felt for his pulse, it was steady.I switched on the light by the side of the bed.? A thin trickle of bloodwas coming down the side of Brian's face from a cut above his hairline,but he was definitely. ? Did you catch something from all the encounters?I've been asked this question a lot. I think the answer I gave a readerthe other day sums it up best: Some people have called bullshit for allof the unprotected sex. I'm not sure how to respond to that, you know? I had a ton of sex without condoms and I didn't get sick. Someone elsemight have done the same thing and gotten sick. It's life. There wereplenty of times I thought I could have been sick from sex. If you livea promiscuous life, let's face it, you have plenty of days you don'tfeel good, whether from all the partying or the fucking or the latenights. But, it simply never happened and quite frankly, my entriesabout not feeling well are kind of boring. I didn't publish The DoggingDiaries to glamorize sex or drugs or other behaviors, nor did I post itas a cautionary tale. I did it for me, as an escape from my life at thetime and because I've been around long enough to know most peoplecouldn't handle what I've been.
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