What's that I can hear, the distant chimes of Bow Bells?'He raised her chin to smile at her and despite herself she wiggled her hips so that the bell rang quietly again. 'Yes, I want to see how my little researcher has grown and what she's learnt! First, turn round. I want to see how these bracelets work.' She turned her back to him and in a trice her hands were clipped together behind her. 'Good, I like it when you are totally defenceless. The trouble is that you will not be able to unpack my case and that would be a pity as I have something new in there, especially for you. Never mind, we'll release these pretty wrists later, long enough for you to unpack. We have plenty of time.' His hands circled her and clasped her breasts. 'I'm staying the night and we are going to share a room, my little one. Then you are going on a journey with me, a journey North!'He stood before her and began to strip her, starting with her blouse which he slid down her arms to her tethered wrists. He stood. He was too fragile, too sick, and too little. But soon, they promised. Even now wasn’t soon enough. No one understood how much Matthew meant. No one understood how hard the decision was to have a baby. I’d fought getting pregnant for a long time, afraid we’d lose our freedom. And now… Matt understood, but he had collapsed from exhaustion. I’d sent him home to get some sleep. I glanced around the room. Thirty more isolettes, just like Matthew’s, lined the room. Other moms stared into their own plastic boxes. Maybe someone else did understand. Maybe I wasn’t alone. We were like a secret club – mothers with sick babies – membership not recommended. I wanted to breastfeed, but he was too little. The nurse gave me a breast pump, showed me how to use it, and instructed me to save my breast milk in the freezer. It had to be labeled – name, date and time. They would feed it to Matthew through the tube that was going into his nose. It led to his stomach. Alarms sounded constantly from one.
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