Grabbing the G-String I headed for the bedroom.I laid out my dress for the day. Pink patent leather ankle boots withlocking straps. Pink rubber stockings. Pink rubber corset with whiterubber lace work. Pink shoulder length gloves, and over this a pinkrubber maids uniform. As for the knickers well of course I would bewearing my new present. First on were the stockings. I used a scentedtalcum powder to ease their fitting. I have to say at this time that Ihave a covering of manly hair but due to the fact I was single was ableto keep it at bay by applications of male hair removal cream. At themoment I had a fine covering so the rubber would hide this fact I waspleased to note. Once both stockings were on I reached for the corset. Myeye was caught by the G-string but I tormented myself and began totighten the corset. Three times I laced up the corset pulling my waist inby a good two inches. I am a keen runner so I have an athletic build butthe fit of a corset just gave me that feminine. Knowing as I know my own name that nothing could ever change what was happening to me…not knowing if I really wanted it to change at all. People watching me, people whispering…their eyes burning like demon fire. God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I wonder why I was not in fear of it. Pain like a river, a waterfall, an earthquake…pain like a volcanic eruption that makes me.
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