He just stared at her, stunned.She bit her lip, her eyes filled with tears. Matt wanted to die. "Shut up," he mumbled to him.Terry was cracking up. "Hey, can I come over? You got a dope body," he said, looking her up and down. She ignored him, she kept staring at Matt, her eyes brimming with tears."Shut up!" was all Matt could manage. He looked down at his hands, God, why can't she stop staring at me like that? He looked up again, meeting her steady gaze. Her eyes suddenly turned hostile, no longer sad. Her chest heaved up and down. Matt was petrified she was going to scream, "I HATE YOU!" at the top of her lungs. Instead, she spun on her heels and walked away.His friends were busy laughing."Fuck you!" he said to them angrily."Hey, we were only kidding man," said Terry."Fuck you!" Matt yelled. He got his bag from the bench and left, wanting to kill himself as he peddled furiously home. He thought how easy it would be to swerve into traffic. He almost did it too, he'd never hated. No one comesaround, and our parents are far away most of the time. Almost no onedrives on our road, either."I felt good, relieved to tell Debbie about this discovery of mine. I'd hoped she'd ask to join me but I was afraid to come right out andask her directly. She seemed cool about this, finding my actions tobe nice and fun and that made me very happy. Only my brother knewabout my naked games, and he wouldn't join me often. It was just partof my private play, all alone in the fields or woods, or in our barn.Before school let out, we got to do more fun things. Jack and Ilearned to swim. I'd always loved to play in the water, but we'dnever had real swimming lessons. Caroline, Tony's older sister, andmy mom helped us learn. A few miles from our house there was a smallriver with a little motel, catering mostly to hunters in the fall. Inthe spring it was quiet, so us k**s got to play there. The owner, whoeveryone called Uncle Owen even if they weren't related, looked andtalked something.
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