No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it. As I regained control of my body, I felt my own pee begin to regain a steady stream, though it felt more like it was falling out of me rather than being pushed out. When the last of my pee dripped out, I finally lifted my head up and looked at Jess sitting on my lap, her hands were now on my sides, though I did not remember ever feeling her put them there. The first thing I noticed was that Jess was just smiling at me, a genuinely happy smile with a bit of a smirk to it. Without saying a word, I grabbed Jess’s head, leaned forward, and began kissing her passionately, which she was quick to return. Jess’s hands slid down my sides to below my shirt, then slid back up to where they were before, only underneath my clothes this time. I then felt her hands slide up higher. At this point I leaned my body forwards, still kissing Jess, and began to stand up. As I did, Jess pulled her head back, breaking off the kiss, stood up and gave me what looked to me as a cross between a worried.
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