“Goddamn it Lance,” she said. “I’m looking for a man who can find this nubbin, this pearl, this little man in a boat.” She pointed to the item she was referring to once again. “That’s what I’m hiring you for. Capisce?” 3 Now that I finally understood what she wanted I got right to work. The first thing I did was take out a classified ad. “Help us find the missing clitoris.” It read. “Desperate beautiful woman. Big reward. Apply at Lance Armstrong Detective Agency, 211 South 4th.” When I got to my office on the morning the ad came out I found a long line of men stretching around the block. There must have been hundreds of them. Carlotta was waiting by the door. She was smiling. “There must be someone in among this crowd who knows how to find a pleasurenut,” she said. “Here’s how we’ll do this,” I said after we’d climbed the stairs and entered my office. I threw my fedora onto the hat rack. “You sit on the desk, be careful of the splinters, and I’ll send in one man at a time. I’ll. We walked out to the beach and noticed that there was a rather large party just south of the pathway.“Let’s head five minutes north,” she said. We did so. I turned to look back and realized that the party was about a dozen folks in a group orgy.“We might be missing something,” I said.She turned. “No, I don’t think so. I’ve not tried it, but it seems to me to be too impersonal, too much just treating people like pieces of meat.”“Have you ever tried a – uh – multiple?”“Once. In Toronto. Two girls I knew and two guys they knew. Since then I’ve been too wary both of STDs and of AIDS.”“Understood. ‘A woman’s gentle heart, but not acquainted / With shifting change as is false women’s fashion’.”“Shakespeare, but I don’t recall where.”“Sonnet number twenty.”“You have literary depths.”“Just a good memory for what I’ve read.”“I’m certain he didn’t have a beach orgy in mind!”“No. Not even the concept of a nude beach, unless Nausicaa and her handmaidens were sans garb.”“Homer says they went to.
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