My dilemma was that this was something I would never consider in male mode. But I wasn't in male mode. Right now Judy was in the driving seat."What if we pretended that you didn't know?" The ball was back in his court."Yeh! I think I can do that!" Paul was quick with his reply. He stretched over the table and took my hand. I was back on the gin!"Come on, Jude; let's go see what your wife's up to." He pulled me up onto my feet and took a last few mouthfuls of lager. I led the way to the exit with Paul close behind me."Goodnight, folks. Enjoy the rest of your evening." The landlord bade us farewell.I acknowledged his parting words with a nod and a coy smile. I felt Paul brush against my side as he stretched his arm out before me to pull the door open. He placed his arm around my waist as he ushered me out the door."'Night, mate." Paul returned the barman's farewell.I led the way down the narrow corridor with Paul following a few steps behind."Fuck, Jude! You have that walk off to a. The scars from high school had mostly healed, but they hadn't faded, and even at age twenty-one they still held a power over me. In a pointless act of defence I dyed my hair, which I didn't like and dyed it back again; and I changed my name to Jeannie, which I kept. I liked Jeannie; it was a little closer to 'Hermione', and that was worrisome, but it was also a little further away from the Jean Granger who had been so traumatised at high school. I started to move on. I even went to see Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix at the cinema and NOBODY commented on how much I looked like Hermione ... although I concede the puffer jacket and baseball cap I wore DID make the feat more challenging.I still didn't have a boyfriend. Boys had asked me out (they didn't stay nervous 16-year-olds forever, thank goodness) but I never accepted; too risky, too much pain lurking just below the surface.I made friends though; some girls, some non-threatening guys already in relationships. I didn't.
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