I thought it would be fun to tease these boys a bit. Maybe I needed it - to see some males drool over my body, to make me feel desired by young men. Sometimes a woman just needs that.So I plopped myself down in the middle of the yard while they worked, hoping that I was enough of a distraction to them to boost my ego. It seemed to work, as at least one of them always seemed to be looking in my direction, often "needing" to walk over a little closer to me for some reason. I was feeling so good about me that I decided to take it up a notch. I rolled over onto my stomach (and thought I heard a disappointed murmur from the guys) and then reached around to unfasten my top. (Another murmur, this time more upbeat!) I pulled it away from my body except where I was laying on it, and even then I tried to flatten it out so that the sides of my breasts showed as much as possible. Lifting myself up occasionally would also display my breasts - almost. I was feeling like the center of attention.All. The letter fell from my fingers and I didn't pick it up. I didn't understand what I was reading. Joanna said she had betrayed me? What I was reading didn't relate to betrayal, but to despair. She thought I didn't love her anymore, that I was staying away because I didn't want to be with her. I couldn't make head nor tail of what I was reading. It didn't make sense!I knew Joanna was sad — sadder than usual that I was away more — but could it be possible I had missed the signs of something more? Should I have picked up on something she said the last time we talked? Should I have noticed something the last time I was home? I needed time to think but it didn't appear like I had any. What did the letter say near the end? I snatched the letter up from where it had fallen and those words jumped out at me, 'it's better if I end it all.'I needed to find her; I needed to tell her... God, where could she be? I needed to talk to Nathan. She said she'd spent the night with him; he would know,.
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