Sometimes it got hard and I wanted to give in, wanted to drown.But I had Bean.She was the light at the end of the tunnel, my reason for living. I thought of her, this little girl, so innocent, so helpless, so... mine. Never, not ever, would she feel alone. I’d always be there for her, and hell, I was a strong woman; if I could fill the role of a mother, I could damn well fill the role of a father too. What was there to it? Teach your kid how to throw a ball? Talk about how shitty boys were? Teach her how to change a tire?I could do all that.I didn’t need a man.But I wanted one. I wanted Wes.He just wasn’t mine anymore.Sometimes I’d lie awake at night, staring up at the ceiling, wondering if he thought of me too, or if his busy life had led him down a path that I couldn’t ever follow. What if he’d met someone already? There were smart brains like him at that institution, and no doubt, there’d be staff he’d run into on a daily basis that would want him. He was beautiful—not just. But I also knew it takes two to make it that.Well, this is how our dating went, we always had a great time, it seemed enjoyable to us both, we got along well, had many of the same interests and I could feel our relationship deepening but only on the intellectual and emotional side, not the physical side.After four months, I got a quick goodnight kiss that finally made me hopeful of more.So, the next time we were out, I had brought her back to her place and we were again on the sofa as I leaned over to kiss her. Almost without thinking my hand reached over to her breast and settled there.She jerked her head back, pulling my hand away suddenly, saying, "Alan, please don't," leaving me wondering what was going on."I really do care about you, Eve. I didn't do that just to be doing it, I really care a lot for you." Well, if you do, then you'll find a better way to show it. It's late and I think you'd better be going home now."There was no kiss when I left her place, I was wondering if it.
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