” And quickly turned and walked away. Oops! I got in my car and drove off as fast as I could and then finally I found the house not much farther down the road. Well, I’m going to keep this part short because it’s not real sexual, but it turns out that this man had sent me a picture of himself that was quite old when he looked good, like a big bear with longer hair and a beard and looked like he could be a hot bear daddy. Nope, when I got there this man had gotten a lot bigger, had dyed black hair that was cut just like Connie Selleca in the TV show Hotel and wore foundation, “rouge” and eyeliner and mascara that showed off his beautiful blue eyes. My heart sank when I saw him and was wondering what I had gotten myself into. He even asked me if he looked like Crystal Gayle. OMG ,whyyyyy???So I tried to make a go of it with him. He did stop wearing the makeup but the haircut was a bit much. People would stare when we went out and the sweat rings on his belly button and armpits. It's beenso wasted, hidden away in men's pants. It should never be coveredby anything other than clinging skirts and tight slacks. Now tellyourself you're the real thing. If you believe, no one willdisbelieve."'I'm the real thing,' I told myself. 'I'm a darling girl with acute tush.' I nearly did persuade myself, not quite. So I askedmyself again, 'How would Amy feel?' I tried to be Amy, tried toimagine her with one of her lovers, and instantly I felt desiringand desirable! Did I want Amy to feel this way? Did I want tofeel this way? A pang shot through my belly -- if I'm Amy I'mcuckolding myself right now, Good God! I had to remind myself thatAmy's infidelities were still only suspected, that thus far they'dhappened only in my imagination. Maybe.I may now be only partially feminine, I said to myself. Butdressed the way I am, thinking what I'm thinking, I'm altogetheremasculated. That's certain. That's already half way toward whereI need to be. I paused alongside.
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