No, this was more of a smile of acceptance, of reassurance and an indication that he was aware she knew who she was and what she wanted and he was happy for her.Then he looked at me. I swear to God, for that second or two our eyes met I felt naked. As if he could see through me. At that point I knew exactly how he saw me — as a selfish little girl, too used to getting her own way with nothing more than a beautiful body to show for herself. It wasn't long before I was telling him to use my kidney for Wes. I don't know that his look was the reason but I don't know that it wasn't, either.I honestly don't know why I did it. To do something Mom and Sam couldn't so I'd be more important? For all the times he'd taken care of me when I was hurt? To show this smart ass doctor he was wrong? Because I didn't want to live if Wes wasn't going to be there for me? I still look at that moment in time and the closest I can come is it was an impulsive decision I made. I don't know if I'll ever be able. Until a few evenings ago….hence this update! I had been working from home for a couple of days, and a few evenings ago I decided to go for a walk to loosen up after sitting for most of the day, and on my way back I spotted that the guy was working at the side of the house in a little bit of garden. I decided right then to see how he would react to meeting me for the first time…and his reaction was priceless!! He didn’t see me approaching, and when I walked past where he was working I stopped and just said “Hi there…nice evening”, to which he turned around smiled – stopped smiling – looked terrified - looked worried – then forced another smile….all in about 3 seconds! He then stammered a reply and made to turn away again…however I was already having fun, so I didn’t let him off the hook. I basically started a random conversation about the weather, his garden and some other inane crap just to gauge his reactions…and for the whole conversation (maybe 2 minutes max) he was stuttering,.
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