Still I kept telling myself that it would be madness to go through with it. I showered, dressed in my sexiest underwear, and spent a long time with my makeup.Leaving the house, I walked to the corner, and soon found a cab. I didn't give the motel address, instead I asked to be taken just nearby to it. I noticed that my hands where physically shaking as I paid the cabbie.I stood still on the pavement as the cab drove off. No, no, this is madness, you can't possibly do it, I told myself.Turning in the direction of the motel, I could see it just a short distance along the street. I began to walk along the pavement, in that direction.On coming to the motel, I glanced in at it. The curtains and doors of the units were all closed. Was that man in there, perhaps looking out and watching me, I nervously wondered.I hesitated, then began to walk on, but after a few steps stopped again and walked back, and stood next to the motel sign as I'd been told to.Glancing again along the motel front, I. I wished he would reach out to hold my hand.********My time with Jakob did not go as well as usual. Marcus's presence wasdistracting me more than in my previous visits, and though I gave avaliant effort toward focusing on Jakob, he could probably sense somethingwas amiss. After an awkward hour, I returned to Alwyn's home--I wasstarting to think of it as my home now--feeling turmoil. I was stillbeaming inwardly at learning Marcus considered me nice-looking. Morannamay have been responsible for it, but I was still glad he saw me that way.That one compliment was as close as he seemed to want to get to me,though. His words about my life as Winterhorn stung. I wanted to believe Iwas different now, inside as well as outside, but was I? What would I dowhen I had another taste of power? As Winterhorn, had I been as entirelyself-centered as it now seemed? It was hard to escape that conclusion. Idid not sleep well that night.I was kept awake in part by what I had learned from Alwyn that day. I.
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