There’s been a few letters from DOSA this week, which I assume have been about the transfer of the sponsorship arrangements. Luckily there don’t seem to have been any problems. I got stopped for an ident card check this morning and, while it took a bit longer than usual, it all went through OK – thank goodness.Angie stopped by this evening to have a talk with Jill. I heard her voice in the living room, “No, get him to get it, he knows where the wine is. You’ll spoil him if you don’t keep him busy.”Jill appeared and asked, almost apologetically, for a couple of glasses. “Angie’s worried that you might not have enough to do.” It seemed like my quiet week was coming to an end but at least Jill hasn’t shown any interest in the other “benefits” that Angie used to enjoy. I’ve got enough problems with Lucy when it comes to that. Plus, I guess its nice that Angie still thinks that I need managing.Saturday January 15thIt seems like I was right. Jill has obviously taken on, Angie’s suggestions.. While I cared for Steve, I didn't want to be a wife. It wasn't that I wouldn't be a good one but I felt that there was far more to explore in who I was than what I was at this time. In my world, I was John and then when I was home or with Steve, I was Sara. The conflict of two personalities couldn't exist. Where John was safe, Sara was more dominate, more exotic and more free.I had to be Sara always and how I saw Sara was not a wife to a loving man. I saw Sara as a woman every man. A woman that was a desire to any man who wanted her. She was strong and in charge of herself and her sexuality.I was a coquette and this allowed me to move in this world as free as I wanted. I would live my life as her and her alone and explore it and the men that lived in it. I wanted to be always Sara.The breakup with Steve was hard. It was devastating. It devoured my soul and I will never imagine how it affected him other than what pain I felt was minimal to his. Even years later, I still see his tears..
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