“I was telling daddy that I now always know where he is because Ghania always knows...”A little while later Menja finished her minutely detailed report of the morning happenings.“I agree, your daddy is a big bad meanie,” Athea summarized grinning. “I’ve an idea. When I tell you a secret, you let Ghania keep it, and if someone else tells you a secret, you try to keep it. Then you tell me all about your secrets and we compare who the best was at keeping them. Like a sparring practice to become a better warrior,” Athea suggested helpfully.“That sounds like fun, I really want to become a better warrior,” Menja nodded enthusiastically.“Then let’s start. In three weeks there will be a really big wedding, and Jenaya will be the bride. That’s a big, big secret and Ghania has to keep everything secret I tell you about it now,” Athea solemnly revealed.“Wow, a real wedding, I never was at a real wedding,” Menja gushed, suitable impressed. But then Menja knitted her brows and asked, “But whom. Over time though I stopped fooling myself.If I'm honest with myself, I got into it simply for the attention and to be desired. I'm not being overly critical of myself, just honest, when I say I'm a very plain looking person. Nothing wrong with it, simply the way some of us are. The spots I went to were visited by either gay men or straight/bi men. The gay men of course had no interest in me. The bi men though, many of them were my age and older. Many were married. Many had a non existent sex life at home. Almost all kept what they did quiet and were just as worried about people who knew them finding out. So although it was scary it also felt safe in a weird way.Although with most there was very little, if any, talking, some you got to know, at least a little. Even the ones you didn't talk with you recognized their faces and they recognized yours. You might see them at the mall or a restaurant or a community event and there would be this moment of recognition and nervousness and fear.
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