‘kal retre bhalo ghum hoi ni, ga-ta maj maj korche’ bole bichana-te bose amar sange cha khelo, tarpor chit hoye suye porlo. Amio sujog peye or pase suye porlam. Amar mukh-ta or dike phiriye pas phire ekta pa or peter opor tule dilam. Eber ek hat diye or blouse-r duko huk khule buker bhitor hat-ta dhukiye mai-r opor hat rakhlam. Thik-i andaj korechilam, bra pore ni. Mai-ta halka kore tipte tipte bollam, ‘sabi, ekhono tomar mai eto khara ki kore rakhle? Ektu-o jhule jai ni. Aj dupure ekhanei thakbo, tomake chudte boro ichhe korche. Koto din amar chodon khaoni bolo to? Ager din tumi amake chudecho, aj kintu ami tomake chudbo. Ar sono, tomar sange anek kotha ache, sob sune thik moto guide korbe amake, kemon? ‘hmm, bolo sunchi’ bole sabari amar dike ghure sulo. Amar barite ja ja ghotona ei koyek dine ghoteche, sob oke bollam. Sese etao janalam je ami bulti-ke bhalobasi. Sabari purota mon diye sunlo, tarpor bollo, ‘sunlam. Ta tomar baba to anyay kichu bolen ni. Ja satti tai bolechen. Eto. .. I’ve seen real fear in your eyes, that Saturday when you drove away. Please, honey, don’t ever let me see that again?”It had been more than fear; it had been a mix of a whole lot of negative emotions. Looking back on what I’d read in her face but not understood at the time, her giving me space to make my own decision had been selfless, almost heroic. Doing the right thing because she felt she owed me absolute honesty and a free pass to run away from her.She turned to me, taking her attention off the road for a few seconds, “I thought ... I thought it was all over, that it was goodbye. I don’t want to have that feeling of ... hopelessness ever again.”“Nor do I, honey, nor do I.”We were both silent for the rest of the journey. I’d been upset enough at her leaving at the time; I’d probably never fully understand what she’d had to go through, waiting for me to make my decision about whether or not I could accept her past, berating herself for risking what we had, while knowing that.
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