Such is the goal.Cheryl was the woman I was just getting to know, injecting dope in front of me, and yet I wanted her all the more. How many years has she been into that? Her language almost alien. And yet every thought was for my understanding, as though she were here by some cosmic coincidence. But these thoughts come a mile a minute. All of this stuff will be buried one day, and I will leave the rest up to God.That’s much too easy. I want to know it all, every last ridge of the key to the universe, as the present is what we are trying to push as eternal. So weird. The greater the present, the more circular we become. Anyone is welcome, and anyone who wants to enter the circle can enter the center. It’s as if this is all set up by the higher power. Suddenly I’m the center of the universe, and everything is a significant event.She was injecting dope into her arms, and the blood trickled from the poke-hole. In a way, I thought I was ruining myself over this: one woman injecting dope. Dad had already been looking for another one, and he couldn’t find one on the open market. He said that he was going to call his friend for one for me to keep. He wanted me to keep one beside my bed for now. That’s what I was doing with Dad’s shotgun at night. He was depending on his .45 until another shotgun showed up.A delivery van showed up on the same day that Mom had the RPG ready, and two men carried in another wooden crate. This one contained three shotguns of the style that Dad had favored, so each one of us had our own super man-killer if we needed it. All four of these shotguns had 18-inch barrels, and that made them barely useable in the SUV.I asked Mom to rework my shotgun after she was finished with the RPG conversion. I wanted my shotgun to have a folding stock so that it would be easier to use in the car. I also asked her to convert it to a box magazine so that it would be quicker to reload. She said that she could do that magazine conversion, but it would take a week..
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