"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered – the local cafe serve breakfast until 11.30."Jesus Loves You."Nice to hear in. He gently bit a particularly sensitive area where her hip bone and upper thighs joined. Her body had begun to purr again. Then his hot hungry mouth spread the soft fleecy pubic hair and fastened over the fleshy opening of the vaginal tunnel leading to her womb. A sudden jolt of pure feeling arched through her loins as he began noisily sucking the vaginal lips; it was a gentle vacuum, tugging and caressing the nerve ends. "Aahhhh," she crooned softly."Ahhhh!" she repeated, this time loudly, as his tongue began licking the entire length of her open cuntal slit -- running from anus to clitoris."Ahhh... oooooh," she gasped, as first his lips and then his teeth found the hard little clitoris. She strained her hips up to his mouth, arching her back and planting her feet in the mattress in an effort to rise and meet him."AAHHH... AHEEEEE!" she screamed, as his hot quivering tongue went boldly into the tunnel of her cunt, moving in and out as though it were a small sure penis. She was aware.
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