"Oh, baby, don't be so silly! We'retwo girls going out for an evening of fun, that's all. Fully equipped,that's all! If you meet someone and decide to go all the way with him,you wouldn't want to get pregnant, would you?"Of course, she was joking!"You look fine, and this is obviously what you need to do, your nextstep, what you've wanted to do but lacked ... courage or confidence todo on your own. To be a girl where other people see you and assumethat's what you are and treat you accordingly. To act out and enjoythat whole different sense of yourself, until you feel as authenticbeing feminine as ... the other thing you act out. Maybe moreauthentic! You do have certain distinctly feminine desires and traitsto display, after all." She looked at the cleft formed by my boobslong enough for me to notice, then looked at me with a pleased smile."I want you to be exactly what you are," she said sincerely."Yes," I said. "I suppose." That was good. But I could barely think.Was it. “Nora, why don’t you give Levi a proper tour while we set the table?” I was a little reluctant to get up. Levi was playing with the hem of my dress, closing in – ever so slowly – on the inside of my thigh. But even if his fingers had to leave my lap when we stood up, I knew they would be back on me when we were alone. Very quickly, I showed Levi the main floor: the living room, dining room, washroom, and a peak of the backyard. The next floor had less square-footage: just my parent’s room, their bathroom, and a small lounge area. From this open area, a staircase led us to my loft. As soon as we reached the top of the stairs, the whole atmosphere felt charged. I could see in his eyes that he felt it too. Levi and I moved as though we were attached by a three-foot rope, hovering around the room in close proximity and very much aware of one-another. He studied the silly details of the space I had occupied my whole life. My shelf of books, my collection of rare seashells, my swimming.
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