Without dreams ... plans ... how could any human being, man or woman, look forward to life? She had walked out on him ... left him there alone.She got up without thinking. The lights were off, but she didn’t need them. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, and the glowing dial with the short hand just past the three and the long hand at the five. It didn’t matter. She had to do this now. She could never sleep if she didn’t.She went to his room and opened the door, not trying to be quiet.“Will?” she said, her voice almost at a normal pitch.“Yes?” He was still awake too. His voice sounded dull.She went to the bed and sat down on the edge again. He was under the covers now, but his head and shoulders were above them. She leaned, to place one hand on the smooth, soft skin of his right shoulder, and the other on the hard ruined skin of his left. She put her face right in front of his, and in her mind’s eye she saw the line that separated the two halves of his face.“I love you,” she. Now here you are, sitting in front of me, more beautiful than I have ever seen you, and I... I ...“ “Steve, I know.” Time played its games again, turning into a silky black rush. I remember pushing the well-worn brass push plate on the warm wood door as we left. Then, the click of my seatbelt, the revving of the engine, and the crunch of gravel as I pulled into her driveway. The door opened into the dim depths of her kitchen. Ahead of me, she turned. The hungry physical fire flickered and then went out, replaced by the cool calm of control. I thought I had outrun reason, but damn if it did not catch up with me. “Drink?” “Sure.” “Vodka?” “Do you have tea?” “Y-yeah, tea... Yup.” The silence was painful and long as she poured the tea for me, three fingers of Absolut for her. “Deb, what are we doing?” “I don’t know. You know I hate myself. The way you touched me. All the times you were there when no one else was. The way you loved me... The way you still do. I let that all go because I.
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