I think I might be able to give this whole thing another go.Just tell me what I should do," I say in a mocking tone. "No. Actually,please don't. I was planning a nice long weekend of doing jack shit. Ifthe world or the future or whatever the hell is in dire peril, there'snothing I can possibly do to help you guys. I'm afraid to say it, butI'm not the man you're looking for." You can say that again," Blondy snidely replies."What was that?" I fire back, losing my temper."I said, you are exactly right. You are not the man we are looking for.We are looking for someone else entirely. Mr. Bannister. As hard as thismay be to believe... the event that is supposed to occur later tonight,in the early morning hours... is the birth of your daughter, Eliza,"Shorty announces."Look, guys, you are talking nonsense here. I haven't even had a date in6 months, haven't slept with anyone in over a year. It is physicallyimpossible for me to have knocked anybody up in way that fits yourlittle time. "So, Nige, spill the beans then, what happened to you in the pub? Last I saw of you, you were ducking through the crowd when you went off to find the Gents. What happened after that?" Oh, you'll never believe what 'appened then," said Nigel, "I didn't believe it meself at first, an' it's taken all week for it all to sink in." Well, go on then, what happened? I want to know all the gory details remember, and when you hear about my weekend you just won't believe it either," I said.Nigel cleared his throat, took another swig from the bottle, and started telling me all about the two birds he found in the men's loo, and how they'd wanked him off, then invited him to go with them for a threesome at a flat up in Camden one of the birds owned.I was impressed, it sounded like a dream come true. One bloke, two fit women, and plenty of booze to get everything running smoothly. Then he started explaining about how one of the girls was really a bloke, and how he'd ended up fucking both of them.
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