If you don’t see me you won’t think about me has been my philosophy. I haven’t had a traffic ticket in over 20 years and never been arrested even when I deserved it. So what can I say?I’m a little proud of myself. Last night at the dinner, I intentionally set with my back to the rest of the diners when I could have set with my back to a wall. I stood there for several moments and made a conscious choice to trust. I didn’t know about half the people there. To most of you that is no big thing. I get that. To someone who has spent their life paranoid with decent reasons for their paranoia it’s a little bit of something. Will I make a habit of it? I don’t know. It’ll be a case by case basis. I did it that time though.What are my plans for the new year? Damned if I know. I’m going to relearn to meditate. Work on being more present when I’m with people. Spend time with a shrink if I can afford it. Find out what Darian is really like. See, in August of 2017, I became a new person. My. My parents died during the war in a bombing raid and I was in a orphanage in München until I was 18. I got a job at an American base and that’s where I met Johnny.’ ‘Your husband?’ ‘Yes. He married me at 19 and brought me here when he got out of the Army.’ ‘What did he teach?’ ‘He taught English literature. It was a crazy life, having four little ones, a new on every year, then going to college myself for a teacher’s certificate. But it was a good life.’ He scanned the bookshelves and coffee table. A picture book was open: shots of a baby wearing white clothes in church, held by different people. His eyes wandered over to the horizon of her chest, then back. There was one upside down where she was holding the baby proudly with women of two different generations behind her. She noticed his attention: ‘Isn’t he cute? Just baptized a week ago Sunday. Terri’s a very brave woman.’ ‘Terri’s your daughter?’ ‘Terri’s my granddaughter. Her little boy is named John Robert, after my husband..
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