Jan. 12, 2001The village has a visitor - Distokini, who left the village as a child towork down the river. He's back to receive a blessing from his familybefore he marries. His Portugese is fluent and he even knows someEnglish, so I'm eager to talk with him when he has time. Jan. 13, 2001WOW, do I feel sheepish. I feel like a whole herd of sheep, all at once.Distokini helped translate for me today, so I was able to converse forwith the Pichtakl for the first time ever without the languagebarrier. And... well, yes, I was right, my feminine form is indeed thanksto Tellengit. But it's not because of any prophecy; no, it's simplemisunderstanding. She thought I wanted to become a woman all along.Everybody knows Tellengit is the Pichtakl tribe's greatest expert in themedicines of womanhood. The beauty potion - that is, the tea - that shegives the women is so strong that a boy who drinks it will grow up to looklike a girl. Over the years, three boys have been sent to her from. What I did do was probably make a fool of myself, hanging on to Lisa's every word. I thought about inviting her out to lunch but I was so nervous about it that I couldn't manage it.It was too much. Every night I want to sleep thinking about it. I remembered Martha's descriptions and imagined it with Lisa. I'd look for her every day, trying to follow her daily routine and I was afraid someone at the office might notice. And I wanted it, so badly. I remembered crushes I'd had on guys and it was like that. I could hardly stand to live I wanted so badly to do it. I remembered how I'd reacted to Martha's story and realized I was now just as bad if not worse. I no longer had the slightest doubt how Martha had come to do such a thing.I imagined Lisa, over my lap, her pants down. Letting me do it, wanting me to do it. Wanting a spanking from me. Spanking her hard. Making her stand in the corner afterward with her pants down like a bad girl. Lisa, letting me do that. I imagined her asking me.
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