” “No, I know, I mean… well, we’re not dating. She said she wanted to get together, but we’re not going out or anything. Her parents hate me anyways.” My mom shook her head, and gave me the “I know you’re lying” face. “The only reason I agreed to this was because I thought you’d broken up with her. I thought… well, I know how teenage boys are. And I know how single, middle aged women are, too. It… this was stupid, and I’m sorry. She grabbed a cigarette out of her purse and went outside. I had done something wrong, I had fucked up, and she was blaming herself. It sucked, but she was right. I had no idea how to solve a 40 year old woman’s emotional problems. Fuck.I followed her outside. She had her arms crossed and her feet up in another patio chair. “Mom… I’m not going to cheat on you…” I whispered, hoping that was the words she wanted to hear.“What? No. No. That’s not what I meant, at all.” She looked up at me with confusion, and took a drag off her cigarette. “It’s not fair to Becca,. I'm a bad daughter."And a bad wife, I thought to myself.He kissed me right on my clit and my legs flexed, grabbing hold to one of his. He exhaled in a slow, hot puff. I could literally feel the wetness seep from me. The need for him was desperate and inexplicable, and all I thought was more. More, more, more. I'd die with that word on my lips if it meant his were on me, touching me anywhere.The desire was embarrassing. I'd never wanted a man like this, and if I had, he certainly was never made aware of it. I'd had my boyfriends in high school, and they pursued me. If I really liked them, I ignored them. I made them work for it, because men never want what's easy. Not for long, anyway. What they say is true: it worked. They sent me flowers (this went on as early as when we were thirteen). They called the house, or they waited for me at the end of the hallways at school. They groveled on their knees, and I loved every minute of it. I was Woman, and I fucking roared.To know now that.
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