If I returned to camp, they would send me off on another mission. If I stayed in the field, drifted slowly south, I would be doing my duty, to follow the retreating rebs, all the while relaxing and trying to stay out of harms way. The thunder of the moving rebels was still audible, as well as the dust from the thousands of feet in motion, but I judged them to be at least ten miles ahead, I was sure my guys were right behind them, cattle after cattle, I was in no hurry to join them . My goal was to find a good hideout, so I could get twentyfour hours of rest, my arm was not right, my body needed real rest, a bed for fucks sake. It was beautiful country I was riding through, green and lush near the river, begging to be cultivated, yet this land was deserted. All the farms were smoldering ruins, the fields stripped, not a soul in site, not even a stray farm animal. There were plenty of dead bodies, rebels, civilians, cows, all just rotting, like as if the devil had come through. For a long time,really. I couldn't escape the overwhelming reality of my situation. Therewas no way that I would not project some unique characteristic aboutwho I was now. Even if I am to be Suzanne, I can't detach myselffrom this extraordinarily mystical situation. I can't escape howoverwhelmingly, erotic, powerful, thrilling and stupefying this wholeopportunity feels. This opportunity to delve into the life of awoman -- to be this woman, without any past, with only promise andanticipation. Clearly, somehow this would have to be a facet of whoSuzanne was. But in less than 24 hours I would have to present myself as thiswoman. There were so many uncertainties still as to who I was. Howdo I laugh? What do I like? What do I hate? All my materialpossessions were in that one suitcase. What do I do, how do I act,what should I know? What sort of person am I now? Lists helped me focus. I made a list of things I needed by tomorrow.It was time for Suzanne to go out into the.
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