. etc.. But when I go out with Thampichayan, always I am having unhappy and dejected feeling, for the life I am having compared to people surrounding me, leading an elegant, classy and stylish life. Particularly while going to restaurants, church, shopping mall etc. This planted the seed in my mind to make money.Thampichayan was having enough money. He is earning not less than US$ 7000/- per month. His family was with him until last year. Now he is leading a bachelor life. I like his personality, attitude and behavior. He respects me and vice versa. We talk a lot on all topics while we are together. Once I asked how he is managing without Gracy Ammamma. He said as a joke “I am enjoying my bachelor life”. I asked how? He said now I have no restrictions, I can drink anything any time, go with friends, go to pub or night club etc… Thus the topic of night club came in and I said I never saw you going to pub and night clubs. He said he goes during week days. I asked why we can’t go one. I cleaned myself and went back to TV and found that the cartoons have ended. The TV was kept running but I was lost in my thoughts.That incident transformed me. But it also gave birth to a pervert inside me. I spied on them multiple times later on and so many times that I almost could predict their patterns of love making. I masturbated thinking about didi.Initially I felt guilty, but slowly I overcame that and started enjoying. I was not my previous self since that day.Since that day almost everybody asked me that why I was behaving differently. I grew quieter and felt comfort in loneliness. Though I was feasting my lust side but I was loosing myself to it. I knew something was wrong. My yearly final exams were coming and I was not studying much. Everybody got worried. I was lost in y own world.One day I thought that I will confront my didi and tell her everything. I was preparing my speech. I wrote and threw it away and wrote again. I could not express my feelings in words.After.
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