Why did you let me be? I shaved everything for you, making sure that every inch of me was soft to your manly touch. God, but don’t I need your calloused hands on me. At a word, I would drop to my knees. There’s nothing at all that I would deny you… I bathed, plucked, chose your favorite gown, your favorite panties, perfumed, did my hair, all just to be with you in bed.Your voice though… I could listen to you from our bedroom for hours, every word audible through the register in our floor. It rises and falls like the water reaching a pool from a cliff; deep, rumbling, musical. No wonder men follow you. No wonder men want to be you. No wonder women circle you like asteroids… No, like cats in heat. But you are mine and I am the only cat in heat you need.But I couldn’t mark you, couldn’t leave you with an unforgettable essence and memory of me, and I am angry.Still, I know it is the hormones talking for I love you too much to saddle you with my senseless needs.You are doing. Because of my snooping I learned that my mother occasionally drank and smoked marijuana. I also learned my mother wouldn’t identify my father to the authorities or the priest that ran the strict Catholic girl’s school she was forced to attend!I usually don’t pay much attention to my grandmother when she’s yakking on the phone. But this one time I overheard her talking to someone sort of quietly in her secretive sounding voice. So I stopped what I was doing so I could hear what she was saying. I heard her say to whomever it was she was talking to, “I don’t think Patty will ever tell anyone who Sonny’s father is!”Then I heard my grandmother say, ”Patty said she’s only loved one man and that was Sonny’s father. And he’s the only man she‘s ever been with!” There was a brief pause then I heard my grandmother say, “I hope Sonny and Patty really find each other someday and bond. Because they’re so much alike, they truly belong together.”I knew my mother and grandfather had a big falling out.
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