. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’ The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’ The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.’ The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’ The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’ The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead ... Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have. They fuck like men. They rut. They take. They conquer. My pussy gets tender after a while. The condoms make it worse.” She looked over at him with a frown. “And you don’t fool me. You’re a man, too. Yes, you’re younger than most and you’ve camouflaged yourself to look all sensitive and loving, but you’re still a man. Keep your hands off me.”“Do you get like this every Saturday night?”“Ever since I started working at Diana’s. Oh, don’t worry about me. Tomorrow I’ll be back to normal. The sight of a hard cock will get my juices flowing. But right now, some girl love seems like a wonderful thing.”Ellen looked at him, her eyebrows raised in question. Jake nodded.“Come to me,” Ellen said and pulled Alice over to her on the bed. “Let’s take that thing off you.”Alice lifted her arms up and Ellen pulled the nightgown off.“Let’s start with some massage,” Ellen said.She placed Alice face down on the bed, sat on her thighs, and began to kneed the muscles in her shoulders and back. Alice sighed.
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