." No, I'm serious," he continued. "I think you should get a raise." She's not paying me anything," I said, blushing to the core."What?" John asked, surprised. "But I mean ... she said..." I ... ah ... I'm just doing it because I want to," I said, simply. It was pretty much the truth, I realized - although it seemed I was losing track of all the reasons."You mean ... all those humiliating things I ask you to do. Sucking me off in the car, in the hospital yesterday ... the schoolgirl uniform ... spraying cum all over your face ... you get off on all that?" I..." how to answer? I tried to curl up a bit tighter. I was supremely embarrassed. This was the first time that John and I had ever talked about anything.And besides which, did I, in fact, 'get off' on it? Did I find it sexually exciting to be whored out by my neighbor to her boyfriend? To be used by him for his sexual pleasure at any moment? For any whim?"Tell me," he said. "Do you get off on all this?" Yes," I said in a whisper.. I was getting more horny all the time. Then something I hadn't even considered happened out of the blue." What, Mom?" Megan asked."Jason came home and told us he had his first serious girlfriend." Which one was that? Not Zoe, right?" No, a couple before Zoe. The first one was Leah." Oh yeah. Why was that such a big deal?" I'm so embarrassed to say it, but I was jealous. I had been living in this fantasy world ... this totally unhealthy, bizarro fantasy world. Your brother had become like my little plaything. It was like there were two Jasons. One who was my normal son and one who was a character in my sexual imagination. And the sexual side wasn't the least bit rational at that point. So I got jealous.I got much more assertive with Jason, then. I was grabbing him and kissing him when no one was around. I was going out of my way to let him see my body. I was just teasing the heck out of him. Even Dad noticed and sometimes thought I was going too far. In my moments of clear thinking I.
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