As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I. Some of them got ‘flirty’ when they got a few drinks in them and I did have a few sets of tits rubbed into my chest and a shapely leg or two pushed into my crotch which did produce an erection. I drank more than what was good for me and I didn’t even remember going to bed, let alone going to bed with another woman. I didn’t believe that I had. For one thing, I loved Mary and I had never cheated on her and for another all the women at the party had come as part of a couple. There were none who came as singles. I was good friends with all of the guys and there was no way that I would have made a pass at any of their women. But I couldn’t explain the lipstick on my underwear or the bra and panties on the floor. I couldn’t remember a damned thing. I picked up the bra and looked at it. The little tag sewn into the sidepiece in the back told me that the size was 38DD and that pretty much told me whose bra it was. Mary Ellen McPhearson was the only one at the party with a rack like that,.
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