In fact, at times I would have valued a little space to come to terms with my loss. What I have missed has not been company, but the physical intimacy that I so often took for granted; the loving cuddling, the touch of his hands, the sound of his voice, and above all his masculine scent. Of course, once a decent period of grieving had passed, my friends went out of their way to introduce me to eligible men of my own age, mainly widowers, although some were living in sham marriages, where all love and intimacy had died. There was one very nice man whose wife was in the final stages of dementia and who no longer knew who he was. I am sorry to say that none of them really attracted me as a potential partner, the vital spark was just not there. Having known friends who became so lonely and desperate they were willing to say 'yes' to any man that would pay attention to them, I knew this could lead to complications and hurts that I was determined to avoid. I at least wanted to start with. . being naughty... doing something so totally bizarre compared to the rest of my stable and quiet life... maybe even showing a few of my old classmates what they missed fifteen years ago... I stopped thinking. I didn't want my thoughts getting in the way of what I was doing. I was just going to let things happen. I took a deep breath and then walked out of the girls' locker room. The hall was empty, but I heard Phil call my name again -- a lot closer this time. I hesitated for a second and then pushed open the door to the boys' locker room.The door "ssshhhhh'd" close behind me as I looked around. The room was much larger than the girls' locker room and definitely had a much stronger sweat smell -- only instead of making me wrinkle my nose in disgust, it actually turned me on a little more. Maybe that little talk with Phil in bed had helped. I stepped deeper into the room and looked down the next row of lockers -- no one was in sight, but the smell of cigar was getting stronger and the.
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