Our choices respected. To live our lives as we see fit.” He smiled down at her. “We know this because we’ve talked about it. We are here, now, because we want to give to the other what they want and need.” Elaine nodded, remembering the conversations they’d had. He is going to stick to my list. He’s not going to hurt me in any way I can’t handle. He said he’d be gentle. He’ll explain everything. God. He hasn’t changed. It’s just… more. But it was so much more it was almost completely different. Elaine felt like she’d arrived on another planet. A place with different rules. A place that was exciting and dangerous. Ominous. Looking up at Gary, there was still softness there. She could see it in the deep brown eyes that were staring back at her. Strangely, in spite of the passionate storm she sensed was brewing, Elaine felt safe with him. He would look after her. . ” She very softly said back, “Love you too.” Right after saying that she closed her eyes again. “They have her sedated for pain so she’s been sleeping a lot,” her mom said to me. I looked at her mom and nodded. I looked at her a few more moments and heard her breathing soften and guessed she had gone back to sleep. Then I felt strange and I felt heat rush through me, then cold and then I felt sick. I turned and walked quickly out of the room made a bee line over to the nurses station found a trash can and bent over it and threw up. I did so over and over until I had nothing left and then I collapsed to my knees and begin to cry harder then I ever had in my entire life. I can hardly express to you the deep horror and sadness and regret I felt inside my body. I felt and heard a nurse and my mother holding my arms talking to me but I could do nothing but cry. I cried so hard I was shaking and I can not tell you how long I cried. I couldn’t believe that was my Elizabeth.
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