I like that he takes care of me in little ways—buying me dinner or fixing my toilet. If someone mugged us, I know Ben would stand between me and the guy with the gun. I like that. That’s who I am. I now know who ‘I’ am. It feels so good. I feel so confident now. This is who I am. This is what I like. This is what I want. But what about the ‘love’ in ‘I love you’? What is love? I told Josh I loved him. I meant it. I’m sure he meant it when he told me he loved me. But he wasn’t the man for me, obviously. Since having Danny, I’ve come to realize love is a giving and a receiving. It’s helping the other person grow in whatever way they want. It’s also respecting who that person is because they share your values. Josh never asked for anything and he never gave anything. Neither did I. I guess we were both selfish. We lived in the same house. We lead our own lives. We went out once a week and sometimes had friends over. That’s not a marriage. That’s being roommates. Truth be told, he wasn’t. Anyway, I bought enough ammunition to replace that what we had used up in the shooting practice. I also asked if he had a Starr DA like mine. I thought that it would be a good idea for Helen to have one for when we actually got into a firefight. It turned out that he had two of them, and I bought them both. I figured that Martha could do with one, too. I figured that one day of practice would be enough for them. Mostly, they would just have to unlearn the separate cocking of the hammer as required by the Colts. Hell, while I was about it, I bought two Winchesters in .44-40. We would keep the Henrys and Colts as spares, but we would all switch to the center-fire cartridges. I also bought four spare cylinders for the Starr DAs to simplify reloading.As before, I left my purchases at the gunshop while I went to help the women with the groceries. I was not surprised to see the gunsmith scurry to the saloon to report to Jake Holbein what I had been up to. I noticed four men leave the saloon.
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