Our first stop was for food. The restaurant was able to open their banquet area for our use after a quick conversation and monetary gift to the shift manager. The food was great and everyone enjoyed the calm relaxed atmosphere. Tammy was the first to ask the question."How are you Jen?"Jen smiled and said that I had helped her with the issues she had and things were getting back to a kind of normal for her.The blast from the side wall laid all of us out. Rich Dee Bee and Dove had their back to the blast and were in the worst shape. I was trying to get to my feet and had a real bad case of blurred vision but I could see several people moving in through the hole in the wall. I thought I heard a muffled gunshot, then felt the sting and burn of being hit by a bullet.I woke in the back of an ambulance and Tammy was sitting next to the attendant on the jump bench. She said 'welcome back to the land of the living.' I asked how bad? and she giggled 'one hole on your outer right bicep, clean. There was nothing that we could not explore, as long as we explored it together. After every session I always came away with a feeling of exhilaration, and a deeper understanding. The decision to separate was mine, and mine alone. It was an extremely hard decision, taken for entirely selfish reasons, when faced with a loss that I could not bear to contemplate – the loss of my children’s love and respect. In parting, I was not the least bit fair to her. I can still feel the pain that I caused her, and it gives me great pain as well. I now understand better why I made the choices that I did. I will never know whether there could have been a different way. I do know that after years of effort, the results are as I had hoped. Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. And maybe I would also somehow have emerged intact on the other side of the nightmare that I faced – different from today, but still whole. No one can ever really know ‘the road not taken’. I do know how much I miss.
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