The realization shook me as I realized there would be no more food deliveries. I was further shaken when I realized that no more deliveries meant exactly that and covered everything! There would be no food, no gas, no clothes. Nothing would be delivered again, ever.Bert and Ed came in. They headed for the restroom to wash up. I saw Ed waiting. I called out, “Ed, use the ladies’ room. No one is here to mind.” Ed blushed and then he shrugged. He went in.When he came out, he said, “It’s cleaner than the men’s room.”I served platters for the three of us and we sat at a table after drawing cold drinks from the dispensing machine. Bert prayed and we both bowed. I wasn’t religious but knew to be polite and be considerate of the another person’s beliefs in my actions. It’s the south, we are taught to be considerate of other individuals whether you agree or not. Bert didn’t pray long.We dug in. After a few bites, I said, “Guys, I don’t know if you have thought of this. I hadn’t until I. ." That's about the size of it."I light up, pouring all my concentration into keeping my hands steady."What happened to Ruth?" She was taken in by the MoD. What they did with her I dread to think."The cigarette falls to the pavement. I close my eyes, fighting to holdback the wetness that threatens to pour down my cheeks.It's one surprise too many. I've dealt with an array of disagreeableemotions since I became female, but guilt hasn't been amongst them.You don't sound very Japanese.You don't sound very male.Suki Tatsukichi.Who I briefly mistook for Mademoiselle Malraux.No wonder she was so abrupt with me. Fifteen years of her life - the bestyears - gone in a few moments.And to spend weeks with a living reminder of everything she'd lost...What can possibly excuse such a crime, Yvette? How do you sleep?"And it all went hopelessly tits up," I sniff. "Three people died thatnight. You ought to be in jail for manslaughter, not cavorting around in afucking Rolls-Royce." I had nothing to do.
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