"So what do you think will happen with this investigation?" I asked.Mom sighed. "I'm afraid they'll use it as a pretext to shut down the school, which will just make the overcrowding in the public schools worse, and send more kids to Reverend Neale's so-called school." Before coming to St. Mary's, Mom had been a teacher and guidance counselor for public schools. I remember she always used to complain about how class sizes and a shortage of counselors made it difficult to work with individual kids."So what would we do?" Fortunately, your fathers doing well enough that we could afford to send you boys to boarding school, even without my salary, but I'm worried about the effect this will have on the kids I see in the guidance office. Many of them wouldn't do well at all in public schools, and a fundamentalist Christian environment could well be disastrous." How so?" Jeff isn't the only kid I've seen who has issues disclosing his sexuality."Jeff came downstairs, and I went up to get my. It was hopeless. I felt like shit. Like failure. Dad wouldn't have approved, I'm sure of that.Just a fuckup. That's what it felt like and that's what it was. So, no, I didn't cry, but I felt like it. I solved it the way I'd solved so many similar things over the years: I cut it out of my life. I told myself it was because I was bored with it, that I hated darkroom work, that I was only doing it because Dad did it and my brother the jerk did it, and I didn't really want to do it, anyway.That wasn't entirely true, though. The fact is that while I was no Ansel Adams, I got some pretty good results. Mostly in portraits, now and then in a landscape. Lee was my primary subject in the early years, no surprise there, and our kids when they came along, alone and in groups, sometimes with grandparents or aunt, absorbed in whatever they were doing. Reading, sometimes, kid in lap. A favorite was one of Julie and her grandfather, watching her grandfather put together a scooter for her. Julie's.
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