Those freaks, those -things-, were sometimes said to live down in the gutters (sometimes, it was said, they were actually allergic to sunlight, like vampires). All or almost all males, they were also rumored to be in the regular habit of screwing each other, and sometimes whatever other boys they could get their hands on. Maybe boys just like me. And somehow—I’ll blame it on the heat, the fog over my brain—that thought was starting to turn me on that day. I was fantasizing, imagining them abducting me, four pairs of callous freak hands all grabbing around my body at once, all pulling out their cocks for me, taking turns pressing my face against their crotches. Inexplicably, I wanted it so bad.I checked my watch—just two more minutes of my break. Two more minutes until I’d need to go back inside and face another four hours without a smoke, with nothing but lines of bitchy old ladies and boxes of Cheerios. I shifted my eyes back to the drain, and suddenly all I could think was, fuck, I. They would be crucified," Lord A.S. told me."I know. It's just a big game though. A lot of people are never given a chance or the pay for a job they could do because they don't have half the alphabet soup behind their name. Take the hardware store I worked at. I have watched them, and I could run that place myself, but I was never promoted to a supervisory position. I have watched kids come in and I taught them, for Christ's sake!" I yelled."I can feel your frustration. I see your frustration. But Scott, you take the least path, and you resist responsibility. I see you have let your older brother take the leadership road, here. While it is true that I feel he is a real shaker and mover, I'll bet you would be too, if you didn't always defer to others. You have spent your life deferring, and it has contributed to your bitterness, as well," he told me.I sat there a while thinking of what he said. If I was honest with myself, I could see a lot of what he said was true. I really didn't.
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