..By TOXISWhat do I look like? People are staring and I can see the women stopand then they giggle a little, almost guilty about it. What do I looklike?Rhonda owns me and she knows it. So do I. She's my boss and a totalbitch. So perfect, never gains weight, always in perfectly fittedclothes, so fashionable, so trendy. Hair just so, everything about heris so designed to say that she is better then you... than me. We usedto be rivals until I found her going through my desk. The folder withmy "special" letters and e-mails and stories and, of course, thosephotographs - the ones with me "dressed", were on her lap, and shecertainly understood what she had. She complimented me on how well Icould pass, what a girl I was. My career was over, if she wanted it tobe, or it could become whatever she wanted.Rhonda somehow got control of community relations and had metransferred from operations, now her uncontested domain. Then, shetransferred me to an admin office she had set up near her. Even for the companies that run long seasons, the break is four months, and it's as long as eight months for some of the motor-rig crews. For many, the winter break is a time of unemployment checks, of marginal temporary jobs, some interesting such as ski instruction, others not, such as working in fast food in some distant city. It's a time of living cheap, of dreaming of the day that they'll be back out on their beloved river.As the seven members of Team 1 rode the crew bus upwards, it was hard to believe that the season was over. It had been an eventful one, sometimes memorable, and sometimes difficult. Unlike the summer kids, all seven of these people were professionals, even Barbie, people who had cast their lot with running the river, addicted to its spell. Scooter remembered the story of Carole Carter, addicted to her handcuffs; these seven were no less addicted to this river, to the life so apart and out of step with the rest of the world.They talked on the way back -- oh, of.
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