But then I’m always nervous when it comes to him. Always second guessing every thought, every word, every action. Should I or shouldn’t I? For months he’d been in my head. The question tonight was will I or won’t I? It was his birthday. The one thing I wanted to give him most was a selfish gift. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy it. But really, it was something I wanted. Maybe it was something he wanted too but nothing was certain. What’s a girl to do? I would let the moment decide. The Friday night crowd was loud and friendly at the pub yet she saw him almost immediately standing at the bar looking his usual well put together self. Brown blazer over blue jeans. Hands in his pockets pulled his blazer up framing his sweet ass. Her heart sped up just looking at him and she had to remind herself to breathe. There was something about him that drew her in, his presence was warm, heady, sensual. She had been drowning in it for months. Delicious delirium. He turned and looked her way, caught her. I figured she would hit on one of the broke cowboys down at the saloon and bribe him with some free booze until he delivered the goods and scratched her itch the old-fashioned way from behind with her face buried in the pillow to muffle her screams.I have to admit the entire affair made me a bit jealous, but I knew it was all my fault and there was nothing I could do about it, unless I got some miracle cure that stopped my coughing and eliminated the signs of things getting far worse with the damn bloody hankies.When everything else failed, I used my last proven remedy. The rye whiskey slid down my gullet like the sword of swift justice. I half expected it to cause my last breath to pass my lips. Instead, a sense of smooth well-being swept over me and I had an urge to take another shot for good measure. Of course, I didn’t do it because I was still only desperate and not crazy like some of those renegade Indians jumping the so-called reservation to murder and mutilate the mostly.
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