The decision had come easy to me, I was going to kill myself. Why, because I just raped my beautiful sixteen year old sister Shannon when we were alone the night before.I was two years older and Mom had left me in charge while she was off on a business trip. Not due back for three days she wouldn't find out what I had done till then and of course by that time I would be long since dead.My hand is already badly shaking as I open my door, a quick glance over at my sister's, it's standing open, tells me she isn't home. I was such a coward when I had run out afterwards and could not bare to look in her eyes again.My heart stops beating for an instant and I almost jump out of my skin as I'm quite surprised to find Shannon sitting on my bed. She is home afterall, and it almost seems as if she's calmly waiting for me. Tight jeans on, baggy shirt, she remains poised there as I move through the doorway towards her."Shannon, what are, what are you doing in here?" I'm sorry Johnny, I'm so sorry. ‘Hi Mike, it’s good to see you! Did you have a good time?’ ‘Julie, the Fourth of July is coming!’ ‘Yes, I know. Would you like to help us decorate the day room?’ ‘Good-bye, Mike! I’ll see you in two weeks,’ Mom says. But Mike doesn’t hear his mother. He’s forgotten about his brother. The handles of his chair are wrenched from my hands as he pushes himself forward to meet Julie. * * * * * * * * * * Mom talked all the way home. I sit and stare out the window while she chats on and on about how much better he is now when he goes back to Fairview. ‘Did you see how happy he was, once he got back to his ward? They told us he would be happier there, once he got used to his new environment. But he still likes to come home and have a nice dinner with everyone…and the Fourth is coming up…and then all the birthdays…Terry’s and yours…and then his…and Jackie and then there’s the grandkids’ coming up, too…it’ll be alright.’ I’m not so sure. * * * * * * * * * * I’m not so sure about anything as I.
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